have you heard the news? the dogs are DEAD! you better stay home and do as you're told

lately my dreams have taken place on green velvet in the corner and i've only been west to Do What Needs To Be Done. i'd like to take a year's worth of Thank You Quotas and fill it to the brim with good luck, pretty lovers, money, good fortune, the best dreams, perfect beach weather, amazing mix CDs, cheap beer or good scotch and dump it at your door in a DingDong Ditch sorta way but when i need my dream space back i think it would be a little obvious or perhaps extreme but hey, i lost a three day dater due to intensity and my intentions were once questioned because of the same I-starting word so i might as well not try and tone down me me me anymore. cause if they look this way you can just tell them it's always about me, maybe that'd give you guys more time to get back in your own heads. though how nice would it be to slip one brain out and borrow the other for a bit? hm. this idea will now stick with me for a while, seeing as how the surrounding figures are all leering and waiting, second guessing and third guessing (i'm not sure who is on First but apparently there is a betting pool in which a nickname for you is being formed. i just like to call you Fickle but it's not good enough or we can remove the t, subtract the s and be left with the real answer, right? cue the demure smi(rk)le you will learn about if i can hold your attention span long enough or you take advantage of a search option, you sneak you fool.)

are you gonna find something here?^{(songs i can't turn off right now.)}
roy buchanan - i'm a ram (live)
stereophonics - my friends
tom waits - i hope that i don't fall in love with you
joan jett and the blackhearts - fake friends
dolly parton - jolene thanks, vigil, it is haunting me in my dreams
leonard cohen - famous blue raincoat
albert hammond jr. - everyone gets a star
rjd2 - a beautiful mine
koushik - bright and shining
wilco - remember the mountain bed
r.e.m. - living well is the best revenge

i did not feel like a part of your world and as i look back through pages of it (it was only easily accessible thanks to the recent departure of ninety percent of my belongings and a new stack of words in the back corner of my closet) while in search for a face i need to know i kind of force a sad laugh while becoming more and more aware of it. detachment was my key player in the last of four seasons but i somehow missed spring or summer and they all faded into this dismal gray. maybe it would have paid off to have slipped that extra F into effort but my plan was such a solid stone that i looked forward to with every walk through a gate - chosen at random because at least i gained the ability to tread freely while some veterans of winter and autumn - owners of spring and summer - were watched like fugitives of knowledge. i like to think the wisest ones had already given up hope, or never delivered it to my front door. (they had known all along, they can spot a Failed Attempt in a crowd of Hopefuls before the first snow has even fallen and everyone is rubbing hands together in a mass that will shrink down to a fraction of its original size and i'm sure they caught sight of my bouncing gait and took it as a neon WARNING)

if i can be sure of anything right now - with all these dizzying tales and grateful allies requesting a cup of Specialty hovering by me - it is that i don't belong here right now but surely i can spend just a little bit longer trying to mend this bruised back and sore brow. i can work past your bitter stance and learn that speaking what i believe - you(were?are?couldbe?wouldhavebeen?shouldhavebeen?fuckyou?)'re better than that looming northern abyss - might get you completely brokentwistedwrappedinthewrongdirection in the END of it all, but maybe that isn't the worst? what could be, what could really destroy, besides that weakness we discussed for so long today as i held back those pesky droplets of truth hovering in virescent shades. thankfully you, unlike you - ha! - do not pull for more. your tone drops to sympathetic and i can see your brow furrow in concern in my mind simply in the way your voice quavers and then there is an exhale of five years off your life before i usually shy the subject toward something where exposure is not key in my freshly shorn position but today i allowed the silence to hang thick with your worry, lips tucked tight between teeth instead of curling into a demure smi(rk)le, those drops of emotions dripping then which you are aware of because it's another 'aww' (a tendency of yours which i have written about, actually, for it's a strikingly cliche mannerism i would never peg you to own - or execute genuinely - but you are pretty decent at burning holes in cliches with all your fucking cigarettes) that is soft and just as concerned so i switch the subject to the heavy weather and you bring up some politics and a album we both need to hear. drip, drip, sigh, don't tell me what you've been saying so easily because i've been replacing words with ones written by our heroes so maybe the subject of it all ending up so relatable wont be so awkward when i'm pinned down again.

The Hardest Part Of Today:

silver girl: "what should i listen to?"
baby blue: "animals"
silver girl: "...i don't have a lot of them, but it's funny cause --- "
baby blue: "no, pink floyd, animals, the album."
silver girl: "oh. only on vinyl."
baby blue: "not a good album to listen to when you're OMITTED anyways. um..."
silver girl: "hurrrrryyyyy"
baby blue: "john. mayer."
silver girl: "ha. ha. ha. .....ok, i haven't had a mayer day in a while. i'll do laundry and sing to his solos or just cry! new or old mayer?"
baby blue: "i'm...thinking old mayer!"

john mayer - not myself

john mayer - 3x5 (Live from Any Given Thursday)
you can all blame mystery bob dylan reference for this.

old newsoh, let it flow, though, in and around, wrapping and closing over lips, silencing the sound that shouldn't have ever been released though she does hook one last claw into your ankle as you kick away the rug on your way out and you think you are free and you are until you arrive home and find that little dagger imbedded in your skin. pull it out gently and then hold it up to the light and admire it - there. a thing of beauty. whatever it was she wanted she has taken now because you're all hers and she is all alone, which is the rightful position of a reflection. so to make up for the lack of enigma that comes with the package you replace whites for muddled reds and she takes the Air out and comes back with Smoke, paint chipping off the polish around those delicate fingertips. the next flaw exposes itself in a more extreme way - and as month old memories are tossed aside with a couple of Big Apples and into a box she shouts and stamps, right? sure, lets take that path. and you pack and you shout and then there is some torrid makeup scene that i wont even think about because it makes me sick that you fell for it even if i can't blame you. i don't think i know what that means but this wasn't about me. so the next morning it goes by likes eggs sunny side up - something stands out and it never will be her but no one would chose you out of a crowd of strangers so how do we keep winding up like this?

tonight you admitted that you didn't want to see me again last time we hung before this. so in all the upheavals and tick-tocks i managed to lie back and let the breeze grab my ankles and start to pull me along. and now i've pretty much caught up to you. row row row your own soul gently down forrest hill, merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a --- And it went out like that - SNAP! a slice of of light taken away just for fun. cause and effect ^{(we go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong)}

and it's been a long time
which agrees with this watch of mine
and i know that i missed you
and i'm sorry that i dissed you

if you didn't care what happened to me, and i didn't care for you, we would zig zag our way through the boredom and pain, occasionally glancing up through the rain, wondering which of the buggars to blame and watching for pigs on the wing.