"Well, you're magic," he said, "but don't let it all go to your head.": i don't have your gift, trying to figure life out for my own

Well, it looks like this should prove to be a day filled with interesting turns.

i got SEVEN things crossed off my to-do list.
i think i created more. or just concocted more ideas. but the sewing pile looks good and so do the books.

JJ you were right - the chromeo remix of vampire weekend is awesome. i don't care to be jumping on the vampire weekend train late, they've been a happy escape for me in my melancholy vocals inspired world. i feel like i have so many THINGS but nothing at all. I'D LIKE TO BREAK THOSE THOUSAND MIRRORS AND DANCE IN THAT LUCK JUST TO SEE THAT SHAME WHILE I PIROUETTE

couldn't win?
couldn't win what? and whose to say two souls can't win each other for the sake of prosperity on a night like this when the sky burns savage and the world turns ravage and my oh my we're all just friends. everybody is miserable, you say, but the problem is i'm floating - TURN AROUND

_{"usually it's a 'he fucked her' situation," only because i didn't know what else to say, and then i allowed myself a stretch of a smile and took a very long, very needed sip of the scotch he bought only because i tell them all it's My Drink, watching as he stared narrowly out of the corner of my eye. why did we need to discuss this? i would much rather be playing up the role of wishingly-she-wasingly-attractive but unavailable friend number one who boasts good conversation topics and provides an amazing escape on a weeknight at a shitty bar in the north county when the girl...thing is out with her eyes prep-school friends, or whatever it was that she was actually doing. my bets were crystal meth off a crack head's dick, but i kept that to myself. besides the last thing i needed to do was add any reason for him to worry about anything she might be doing - and not for his sake because when i'm with him i am not careful of what i want for others, oh no. if the conversation sticks to her size six waist any longer then i'll have to excuse myself and sometimes i know this is all i have to hold on to when the clouds aren't here to play with both of us. that night we danced to that one song you said you always get stuck in your head.}

my cat is snoring. aw.

^{coda^{(nikon f2)}, polaroid spirit 600, yashica microtec zoom 70, pentax mini sport 35^{(my dad won it back in the 80's with a microwave)}, and a vivitar 250PZ} i'm getting more and more proud of my camera collection. even though i want to hold my father's canon real close until he forgets he even had it. i need to get the polaroid fixed, laura somehow managed to get it all fudged up over the stevo sabrina tarruck house period - summer maybe? pre-21... no, must have been after my birthday because we went drinking. anyways, i still have film saved up but this is a minor thing i can wait to pay for when i have a real live job with real live moneys and real live suck. and the pentax is only good for double exposure-ish stuff but whatever, ok, i like things, i like cameras, and i just want more and more. aaaand coda wasn't/isn't really mine, and the roll i shot on him came out all blank but i'm just gonna ask vigil if i can borrow him again one day to do some portraits. oh, how kitty and i loved him.

i hate when i'm up all night and then my parents get up. things get all stuffy and then echo-y and then just wrong. like i stole the morning again. i think i've said it before. but nothing is better than a house filled with sun and no one around 7am. they remind me of not knowing how i got to whatever house i ended up at with lyndsey su usually chainsmoking through the sunset with me. killer katie and i were in her neighborhood on monday and decided to swing by and see if she'd answer the door. open receiving no response to our knocking we wrote a note that simply said 'dear lyn, we came here to fuck you but you were not home. therefore you are gay. xxo'

i realize i did not get the quote completely correct but i'm pretty sure she's seen the movie. either way we went off to find gopher tortoise instead of skinny blond girls. where was i? oh. my nails are teal, too. almost a turquoise teal. this all reminds me of summer 2007. i can't wait to be able to say that for good.

FUCK YEA

i'm really getting a better grasp on what i want to do with my concept self portraits. i think i'm nixing the text and brushes - maybe a little bit of pin light texture but most likely it'll just be basic coloring and shadow touchups. i really like the idea behind it - i talked it over with monica last night and showed her the sets i want to do. it should be a trio of sets of three photos each, with each set doing more than just showing an emotion. no story this time, either.